Growth


This feedback loop always comes back to me. 


A spotlight on all I’ve done wrong. 


But I’ve shined it on myself, 


I internalize, you externalize. 


All fingers point in my direction. 


It’s obvious this doesn’t work. 


But you can’t see it, 


I absorb your criticism. 


Silently. 


I melt, shift, adjust, trying to make it work. 


I can take it. 


Do I want partnership more than peace of mind? 


The relationship with myself suffers, 


An internal battle, 


Waging war in my mind. 


It’s close, but it’s not right. 


I cannot make something right when it’s not. 


I retreat back into myself, 


Walk away. 


I learn so slowly, 


What love feels like, looks like, sounds like. 


You say I’ll know when I find it. 


First I must find it within myself. 


Practice.


You tell me the relationship with myself is most important. 


But I want something I’ve never had before. 


Change happens slowly, 


I’m impatient. 


But I wait, both happily and unhappily


At the same time. 


I transform, 


And somehow believe


I will manifest what I want. 


I doubt myself, 


I always have. 


My thoughts are my guide and my enemy at the same time. 


It’s just that I can’t fight the enemy on my own,


It’s inside me. 


So I pour my soul out to you, 


And I trust you. 


I need you, 


And I know that to get what I want


I must do something different. 


And I’m willing to be uncomfortable. 


For without growth,


My soul will die. 


Life is precious,


Cherish it. 


Even the parts that hurt. 

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