Seeker

I get lost in my mind, in images of what I want to be. But it’s not in front of me. 

I imagined that you had feelings, that you saw me dancing and our souls met. 

Then your presence subsided, the connection was lost. You faded for no reason. I always want to know why. 

Yet I don’t know what happened. 

Am I manifesting what I want, or pushing it away? 

Must I give up what I want so badly to get it? 

You tell me I will find it when I’m not looking.

But I’m always looking, do you walk through life with your eyes closed? 

I call love to me, 

Over and over again. 

Is that how this process works? 

Or am I just endlessly in my own world. The space of my mind tricks me. Disconnected from reality and the flow of the universe. 

I want to be in the flow, but I have to be here first. 

I got lost in the memory, 

In a dream of what I wanted to be. 

Seeking. 

Right now. 

I will find you in the now. 

I must be present. 

Stop looking at what is not happening right now. 

At another person’s projected truth on a screen far away. Let go of what is not for you. 

For if a connection is to be true, it cannot be forced. 

My intuition will be my guide,

And it’s always by my side,

I just have to pay attention. 

I want to be here in my body, and to want what I have. I already want myself. Still. 

Do I need to get to a place of not wanting, to get what I want? The questions are daunting. 

Where does this place of no-desire exist,

You told me you found it, but still I resist. 

But is there a right one? 

Will you ever feel the same way for me that I feel for you? 

Can I truly have what I want or do I make concessions, settle for what fits right now. 

It’s close, but somehow,

Not right. 

I accept the fleeting moments of alignment, connection. They are special.

For I love all my experiences, 

Even though you will choose something else and go a different way. 

It’s still worth it, I’m grateful for all the days,

I spent with you. 

And the feeling will stay with me. 

I relish in all the moments.

Maybe it’s all just moments, and I get too attached. 

I can let go. 

Perhaps I will never figure it out and truly know. 

I close my eyes and soak in the moment,

Even though I might want it to be different. 

I feel you. 

In my body. 

I found you in my mind, in the pulsating energy in my chest. 

Flowing through me. 

You stay there for now. 

Come find me, 

In the sunshine, mountains, and music. 

Dancing. 

I’ll be waiting. 

Looking for you. 

Because I’m a seeker, 

And I know you are too.