Letting Go / Smashed Avocado

I threw the salsa across the room
Smashed an avocado on the floor
Exploded a seltzer on the refrigerator door
I don’t understand what to do
And I don’t know what’s in store
For me
I can’t see a way through
So I take it out on my food
My anger falls on the groceries
On my clean white walls
After all
I can always get more

But my anger is just fear
I’m afraid of not getting what I want
The only one who can see
My tantrum is my apartment
My secrets are reflected in the windows
I cannot hide from what’s inside
It comes out eventually

Staring at the chunks of tomato on the ground
I feel heavy and still haven’t found
An answer
I turn it over again and again
My frustration bubbles up
And spills out all over my kitchen
It feels like I can’t win
Judge me all you want
But throwing food is not a sin

Smeared avocado on the hard wood
Creamy green
Laughs at me
My irrational actions
Immaturity

Wasted groceries
Money can’t buy me what I want
My smashed food
Destroyed unnecessary
Puddles reflect my unmet needs
Unsatisfactory

So easy to make a mess
Takes so little time
But cleaning up is a procees
Picking up the pieces is
Unglamorous
I won’t share my un-success
I’m embarrassed by my regress
By my silly actions
My tainted floor
Unrealized passions
I always want more

But somehow I feel better
Pressure released
Broken glass
Dreams smashed
This feeling will pass
Nothing lasts
I let my mess sit for awhile
Maybe the universe will see
And smile favourably, take pity

I still bargain with something I don’t believe in
Momentarily
Looking for a reason
Letting go is not easy

Maybe we all take it out on something else
Other people, driving, food, exercise
We are all trying to get by
Do whatever helps
You deal and survive
With life

Maybe letting go is like a smashed avocado
Guacamole on the floor
I don’t know what this struggle is for
It feels like everything is falling apart
Perhaps it’s a new start
My expectations explode and resettle
And then I explore
Something better

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