Pussy Control

Control the women, they’re too emotional
To make decisions for themselves
You want to think for us all?

It’s okay, we can play
Your brain is better
You can do experiments on me
Don’t value my body
You look at it scientifically
Trying to prevent me
From procreating
Constantly debating
My rights
What I should decide
It’s my choice though

I don’t want your fake hormones
They change how my hair grows
My natural patterns
My flow
Metabolism becomes slow
I don’t like how it feels
I tell you this
But the pharmaceutical company
Steals my truth
Makes you question me
And tell I’m crazy
But you don’t know my body
How I feel
You don’t know what’s happening inside
Still you try to preside
Over me
Because you’re trained medically
And you’re the expert

Try this one and that one
There’s one for everyone
Rings and pills and
Even surgical implantation
I don’t want it in my body
Focus on your own family
My chances of breast cancer
Grow exponentially
Still you tell me
I’m fine

You don’t care if I bleed
Tell me I’m dirty
I’m just a women
My breasts make me less
Capable then you
Yet we all know that’s not true
Your morally offended
But you don’t have to like what I choose
It doesn’t impact you
Still the courts debate what I can and can’t do
With my body
My vagina
The pastor tells you what is correct
What should be done
But he’s never even seen one

You’re so pro life
But that life is not mine
We think we’ve arrived
At a place in time
Where are have freedom
But apparently we still don’t have it

A book you read before Christ gives you the power to decide
What I should do with my mine

But really you only care about being right

What do you know about life?

May 4, 2022 0

Band Aid

You stuck to me like a band aid
The colorful one
That you put on sometimes
Just for fun

Giving my days a rosy hue
I’ll dig through
All my cluttered bags
For you

Soothing my wounds
Yet you leave a residue
When I tried to take you off
So I decided to keep you
An extra layer
I try to make belong

A charismatic plaster
Always in the midst of some disaster
Creating wounds
And dressing them up
An illusion that they’ll heal faster

A band aid
Covering my fears
But you never expose yours
Non absorbent
Deflecting my tears
You always disappear

A dreamer
Who doesn’t do
Eating up my time
Always making it about you
Talking yourself through

A band aid that has no depth
Adhesive worn thin
It only lasts for a few hours
You always leave, hide
Evade my deepest desires
When I need you

I’ve taken you off so many times
And walked away
My emotions sway
But you sneak back in
Enough time
Allows you to play
Tricks on my mind

The one that got away
Is easy to say
Every time your efforts
Had a delay
It’s much harder to show up
To be the one willing to stay

A dirty band aid
On the floor
You’ve been ripped off too many times
I can’t make you stick
Anymore

April 6, 2022 0

Past

I imagine the lives
Of those who have past
I walk amongst what is left behind
Spirituality and brutality exist
Side by side

Self preservation
Is in our nature
We have evolved so much
And shy away from war
Yet we have the same primal instincts
As those who came before

We need to conquer, explore, and claim
Make love, reproduce
And create Gods to explain
All that we can’t

Has our technology made us better
Or connected us less
From our bodies and nature
From those who knew best

Their computer was the sky
It’s memory the Earth
The sun the central force
The moon controlled the cycles
Of death and birth

We now take a selfie
Try to look our best
We’ve abandoned our compass
The sun and the stars
We use our computers to think less
Our bodies are now processed
A donut filled with jelly
Our minds unhealthy
A medicated mess

We are so out of sync
But we think we know
We own the land, the sky, the waters
And destroy it slow
Yet history teaches us
That all humans come and go
Despite our power and ego

The Earth was here before we came
We destroy and reinvent ourselves
But we all have life just the same
The larger force has not changed

Perhaps it’s in our nature to want more
Is this what humans are meant for?
Have all of us wondered
About the lives of those
Who came before

Yet we’ve put history aside
How often we use our phones
Instead of feeling what’s inside
It seems we have lost our guide
Our intuition

Let the past teach us a lesson
To appreciate human connection
And be present
For what we will become
Let us remember where we came from

March 27, 2022 0

Mexico City

Mexico City sprawls
Rises up
The city stretches out it’s busy arms
Between the mountains
A bustling valley
Purple flowers bloom
Uneven sidewalks greet me
Closed baskets
Street markets
Ask you to look inside

The entire city sinks
Leans
Mexico City
A city of dreams
Flowers and trees
Tortillas and towers
Pollution permeates
Fragrant gas, food, flowers

Aren’t we all leaning slightly
You might not notice at first
The flaws peek through the character
The curves lead us astray
But in them we play
We are all sinking
Deeper into life
Finding our way

The buildings bend ever so slightly
Smiling upon Mexico City
Showing their history
Cracks are markers of age
Vibrant life
The city plays music
Dances and sways

There are no straight lines
We are all warped
Defined
By our leaning
Ever so slight

Embracing our flawed beauty
Uniqueness
Mexico City invites us in
And teaches us
That we are all built on top of something
What happened before shapes us
And pushes us
To be something more
Isn’t that what cities are for?

March 22, 2022 0

Only Get a PhD…

Only get a PhD
If you want criticism endlessly
Pointless feedback
Warped reality
A mountain of opinions
An ego factory

There’s only so much feedback
I can take
Before I stop caring
My passions crack
My motivation breaks

It’s just that you don’t realize
How silly it all is
Until your halfway through
At that point you convince yourself
It’s worth it
What else will I do?

I’ve already spent this much time
Giving it up now would be a crime
I guess I’ll keep going after all
Someday I’ll hang something on my wall

I’ll have letters behind my name
A reward for playing this game
Appeasing the gatekeepers
The smart people
The true teachers

It’s not easy you know
In the academy
See how far you can go
Is a PhD worth your sanity?

I hope someday I don’t become
An unnecessary critic
A killer of fun
A tenured professor
A pillar at one
Of the institutions
That sucks you dry
Leaves you unemployed
In debt
With some simple letters
And a goodbye

March 15, 2022 0

Holes

I am full of holes
A human sieve
Emotions pour through me
But they don’t stay
I am putty
I allow people to play
Mold my identity
Sometimes irresponsibly

There are holes in my soul
My experiences are vague
I can’t make sense of
Any feeling, any day
Nothing sticks
Everything flows through me
While time passes away

My mind is full of holes
Things that happened long ago
Morphed into memories
Blank spots
Illusions and stories
That I can’t show
Shape-shift and sway
In my conscious
They are close
But happening so far away

My body is full of holes
Incomplete
Fragments of humanity
People I meet
Everyone sees me
And experiences me differently

I must be careful
Not to fall in my holes
They like to hide
I don’t know their exact location
It’s hard to see when I’m inside
Their depth is immeasurable
Their deception penetrable

Old holes and new holes
Needing repair
How can I heal myself
When there are holes everywhere?

March 11, 2022 0

Deserving

Deserve is a strange word
We need a reward for just being
All of our desires must be heard
By the Universe
Which should cater to our needs
Our purpose and meaning

But who gets what they want
Who is deserving
And who gets punishment
Does anyone deserve to be the brunt
Of the worlds cruelty?
The harsh divide between you and me?

Does everyone deserve to eat?
To have shelter and seek
Security, a better life
Who is deserving?

And who delivers this reward
It seems deciding who is hard
Can we make these decisions?
Without having all the information?

Who deserves land, territory
Who deserves to tell their story
Who deserves to be recognized
And who should be despised

Does anyone deserve war?
To have their hearts broken
Do some deserve more
Than others?

Is this something you manifest
Perhaps this is all a test
Of our humanity
Our willingness willing to give
To someone with less

To think about others
When it doesn’t benefit us
To accept what we have
And be more generous

Or do we think we are better than the rest
The less deserving
We are so self serving
Our entitlement will be our demise
Unless we become interested
In others lives

Others that are far away
That we haven’t met
That are separate
How easy it it to forget
We are all human

Who deserves to live
And who deserves to die?
We pretend we know
We think we are right

But our window is so small
Do the Gods respond to the prayers of all
Can everyone’s pleas be heard?
Do everyone’s dreams matter?
What do you deserve?

March 8, 2022 0

The Truth

What is the truth?
A perception
A feeling
A created reality
The space that exists
Between you and me
You say I’m toxic
I think I’m healthy
Which one of us can’t see?

Is truth what exists
When there is silence
When the mind is quiet
If the mind is ever quiet
How can we find it

Our truths are not the same
One persons truth
Is anothers pain
Is there one truth?
Is there one right way?

Sometimes I think I know
Other times it’s grey
So many stories
So many lives
The mind is powerful
But sometimes it lies

Have you ever been lost
In your own mind?
Maybe I create my truth
It may bend a little to connect
With you
The more I experience
The more I question what’s true
It feels like questioning
Is the right thing to do

I decide
What’s right
But I can always change my mind
Perhaps the truth doesn’t exist
Or maybe it’s just hard to find

We are all living separate truths
In our own lives
The writers of history
The makers of time
But what is mine?

March 3, 2022 0

Cotton

I sat down in meditation
And lost myself
My mind went on vacation
My body started to hum
Full of vibration

And I turned into
A ball of cotton
Fluffy and white
Wispy
Floating free
Without a body
My normal life has been forgotten

An open window
A gentle breeze
Causes the slightest movement
Weightless and free

It shifts me slightly
Off my cushion
I roll and float
Through the mediation
Across the floor
Over the mat
Nothing to stop me
No coming back

All eyes are closed
I float undetected
A cotton ball is not suspected
I brush by a cheek
But all is still

The wind dances through me
A force of will
And then with a gust
I blow away

Float up into the sky
I leave without acknowledgement
Without a goodbye
I’m carried into the big blue
The infinite

I float so high
The wind is my guide
I exist up here
There’s no fear

A light ball of energy
There is no me
No space and time
Just a ball of cotton
Floating by

February 23, 2022 0

Lines

I stare at myself in the mirror
Expression lines
Creases
Crinkles
A story etched into my forehead
When did I get wrinkles?

I want them to leave
Exit immediately
I rub creams, oils, masks
Apply sunscreen desperately
I wonder if you see what I see
Instead of looking into my eyes
You are looking at my lines
Folds that tell you I’m getting old

Markers of my experience
My time
A life of stress and excitement
Hard decisions I’ve had to make
All the paths I’ve chosen to take
Repentance, glory, and sin
Worn on my skin
A face full of life
Seeking
A bottle of collagen
My youth has disappeared overnight

I stare back at them hard
I see every faint crease
Every mark
I run my hands over their indentation
Setting an intention
To love myself
I’m learning so slowly

I try hard not to move
My eyebrows, my eyes
Trying to improve
The situation
As if I keep still
They will reside
My forehead will smooth
Milky white

My perfection, my youth
Faintly slips away
I suppose these lines are here to stay
I find myself further inside
Tempted to hide
My flaws, my face
I think about Botox
Trying to erase the evidence

I embrace my age
I embrace my lines
Knowing my wrinkles
Don’t define my character
I want you to see my life
My old soul
And know that’s it’s full
My happiness shows through my crinkles
I smile deeply
Crows feet
Even though it creates
What I hate

I want to be this person
I want these lines
I want all of my experiences
My expressions, appearances
But I fear growing old
We’ve all been sold
An illusion of perpetual youth
Unflawed, non-reality
Smooth skin
And told it’s our duty
To look this way
I accept who I am in the mirror
I refuse to pay
These wrinkles are here to stay

And then with a start
I turn the off the lights
I can no longer see, only feel
My innermost self, beautiful
My lines disappear in the dark
My skin recedes
Blackness envelops me
And I become energy

February 21, 2022 0