Tag: Humanity

How Do You

How do you move through the world
When the world is against you
It will not admit it out loud
But will hint of injustice
In ways that you will feel
Yet will not be able to explain
It will make you question what is true
The pain will be your pain

How do you move through the world
When you are set up for failure
When you didn’t get the same
Amount of
Time
Love
Money
And you know it
Others know it too
But will not acknowledge
At least not to you
They pray for you to
Go to college
Work harder
Change
Deal with it
College doesn’t fix broken dreams
College doesn’t sew up the seams
Of unfairness, life’s cruelty
The heaviness of humanity
Resting laboriously
On certain beings

Others will not say
Not to your face
It will be talked about
You will be talked about
Not by name
Impersonally
Theoretically
Speculatively
In offices, in meetings, in expensive rooms
With catered dinners, stuffed pockets
Fancy watches, privelge
But nobody will do anything about it
Except you
It’s up to you

The makers of the problem
Will not offer a solution
But who created the problem?
How can you blame an institution?
The individual lingers
Behind corporate names
Government agendas
Money and fame
There are too many fingers
To point
Not enough to touch
To change

Help is offered
With things expected in return
Help is not free
It is not given willingly
Some people deserve things
Others only accept what help brings

Who decides who gets help
Help is a transaction
Not a gaurentee
Success is not equally distributed
Help is not equally distributed
Despite the need
The desperate plea

Acceptance
Prayer
Pity
It’s life, it’s just hard
You’ll survive

These words run marathons
Around dispair
By people trying to care
These words are easy to say
Smooth utterances of the fortunate
The card dealing
The ones in control
The lucky ones
Things are going thier way

How do you move through the world
When you don’t have a voice
When you can’t speak
When you don’t know what to say
To get what you want
And even if you said it
Wrote it all down
It would be in the wrong language
In the wrong font

Nobody will tell you the rules
You fumble around in the dark
Looking for tools
Finding only a spark
It’s not enough

How do you move through the world
When you’re invisible
When no one sees you
When no one cares
Eyes averted
When you are painfully aware
Of the feeling
Of it being unfair
Of the meaning
Not going anywhere

Empathy is not possible
Without knowing
A society of hostile
Feelings growing

How can you fix
What you’ve never experienced
What you don’t understand
The ones who have the power
Seem to have the better hand

And you
The one who never got to
What do you have planned?
Will you be able to demand
Something different

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A Prayer

What is a prayer
A hopeful plea for someone to care
Something or someone
That’s bigger than everything else out there

A request for help
A feeling that we are in control
Softly pulling the invisible strings
Addressed to a God we cannot know
A mysterious force
Reliquished to the void
That manages all things

A comfort in a sea of insecurities
A negotiation for our impurities
A twisting of God’s arm
Despite the selfish nature of prayer
We mean no harm

We pray for our team to win
For something to remove our sins
For a clear day
For our sickness to go away
Prayers so deep and insignificant
Almost fully prepared to repent

A universal drawing of strings
A selected day to receive blessings
What of a prayer that helps one
And harms the rest
Some of are surely cursed
While the others are blessed
I suppose we are all just trying to do our best

Maybe I don’t know how to pray
I think I believe in something
But I don’t know what to say
To get what I want
To tip the Universe’s favor my way

I’ve tried with my eyes closed
Standing still, laying down
Walking around
Even on my knees, on the ground
If my prayers are heard
Who knows, who believes

I do know how to cry and sweat and scream
I do know how to fantasize and dream
I do know how to let go
I do know how to admit that I don’t know

Who do you pray to
Is there something special I have to do
I pray to the grass, to the sun
I scream my desires to the mountain
I forget my problems when I run
When to push myself to go far away
Just to make it through another day
When I swim in the ocean
Let the music and waves move me to fun
When I finally allow myself to play

Have you ever laid in the fresh summer grass
Let the sun beat down on your face
Beads of sweat rolling down
Knowing you will burn if you stay in that place
Not caring, letting the bugs crawl on your skin
Savoring the space, taking it in
The sweet smell of flowers, the summer season
Letting the clouds and time pass
To get up and begin again

Is that a prayer?

What do you pray for
Do you wish upon a star
Send a message to sea
To help you on your journey

You tell me to will pray for me
But I don’t want your prayers
I want kindness and empathy
Can you listen without a prayer
Listen to the Universe if you dare
Don’t offer a prayer of judgement
Don’t offer a prayer to have something to say
Your prayers won’t help me anyway

Is silence a prayer
Maybe awareness is the only thing out there
Have you ever sat for hours in meditation
So long you can feel your body, your hair
So long that your become intently aware
Of energy, of feeling, of the world that’s unfair

Have you ever run in the rain
Have you ever fully embraced your pain
Have you ever loved so deeply
That you will never be the same
Have you ever loved someone different from you
Proving our silly biases untrue

What will a prayer change?

There are billions of voices that must be heard
Hundreds of languages
In which prayers are offered
Certainly no one is favored
We are all trying to make it in this crazy world

Wether prayer is fact or fiction
Belief is the only thing that makes a difference
Claiming your space in this broad expanse
A belief that maybe you have a chance

If you believe it works then it is so
It doesn’t matter where your prayer will go
It doesn’t matter if it happens quick or slow
Keep praying so the world will know
You exist, you matter

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Deserving

Deserve is a strange word
We need a reward for just being
All of our desires must be heard
By the Universe
Which should cater to our needs
Our purpose and meaning

But who gets what they want
Who is deserving
And who gets punishment
Does anyone deserve to be the brunt
Of the worlds cruelty?
The harsh divide between you and me?

Does everyone deserve to eat?
To have shelter and seek
Security, a better life
Who is deserving?

And who delivers this reward
It seems deciding who is hard
Can we make these decisions?
Without having all the information?

Who deserves land, territory
Who deserves to tell their story
Who deserves to be recognized
And who should be despised

Does anyone deserve war?
To have their hearts broken
Do some deserve more
Than others?

Is this something you manifest
Perhaps this is all a test
Of our humanity
Our willingness willing to give
To someone with less

To think about others
When it doesn’t benefit us
To accept what we have
And be more generous

Or do we think we are better than the rest
The less deserving
We are so self serving
Our entitlement will be our demise
Unless we become interested
In others lives

Others that are far away
That we haven’t met
That are separate
How easy it it to forget
We are all human

Who deserves to live
And who deserves to die?
We pretend we know
We think we are right

But our window is so small
Do the Gods respond to the prayers of all
Can everyone’s pleas be heard?
Do everyone’s dreams matter?
What do you deserve?

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Seeker

I get lost in my mind, in images of what I want to be. But it’s not in front of me. 

I imagined that you had feelings, that you saw me dancing and our souls met. 

Then your presence subsided, the connection was lost. You faded for no reason. I always want to know why. 

Yet I don’t know what happened. 

Am I manifesting what I want, or pushing it away? 

Must I give up what I want so badly to get it? 

You tell me I will find it when I’m not looking.

But I’m always looking, do you walk through life with your eyes closed? 

I call love to me, 

Over and over again. 

Is that how this process works? 

Or am I just endlessly in my own world. The space of my mind tricks me. Disconnected from reality and the flow of the universe. 

I want to be in the flow, but I have to be here first. 

I got lost in the memory, 

In a dream of what I wanted to be. 

Seeking. 

Right now. 

I will find you in the now. 

I must be present. 

Stop looking at what is not happening right now. 

At another person’s projected truth on a screen far away. Let go of what is not for you. 

For if a connection is to be true, it cannot be forced. 

My intuition will be my guide,

And it’s always by my side,

I just have to pay attention. 

I want to be here in my body, and to want what I have. I already want myself. Still. 

Do I need to get to a place of not wanting, to get what I want? The questions are daunting. 

Where does this place of no-desire exist,

You told me you found it, but still I resist. 

But is there a right one? 

Will you ever feel the same way for me that I feel for you? 

Can I truly have what I want or do I make concessions, settle for what fits right now. 

It’s close, but somehow,

Not right. 

I accept the fleeting moments of alignment, connection. They are special.

For I love all my experiences, 

Even though you will choose something else and go a different way. 

It’s still worth it, I’m grateful for all the days,

I spent with you. 

And the feeling will stay with me. 

I relish in all the moments.

Maybe it’s all just moments, and I get too attached. 

I can let go. 

Perhaps I will never figure it out and truly know. 

I close my eyes and soak in the moment,

Even though I might want it to be different. 

I feel you. 

In my body. 

I found you in my mind, in the pulsating energy in my chest. 

Flowing through me. 

You stay there for now. 

Come find me, 

In the sunshine, mountains, and music. 

Dancing. 

I’ll be waiting. 

Looking for you. 

Because I’m a seeker, 

And I know you are too. 

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Screens 

You see the world through your phone,
But do you see what’s in front of you,
Is the memory on your phone,
Stronger than the one in your mind?
You re-live the memory again and again,
But were you really there when it happened?
Preventing intimate moments,
Social interactions,
Anything uncomfortable,
Boredom.
The screen holds all our attention.

Stuck in a world’s that’s not here.
You need a new one every year,
We get them younger and younger,
Soon we’ll not be able,
To live without them I fear.
Soon if we don’t have them,
We won’t be able to get anywhere.

Are you really going to watch 2 hours of video?
Look through your 1,000 photos?

I watch the world through you,
Held up in front of me,
Two worlds, now three.
And in it I see,
Myself, humanity.
And I pity,
Those who cannot be here
For the only world we know,
Is the one right happening now.
And we are all having different experiences,
Through our screens.

But the screen is not alive.
Then what is life you ask,
Does it really need to feel, breathe, and cry?
Can you turn on a life,
And power it off at night?

You interact with it,
But does it interact with you,
In the same way humans do?
Can you feel love from a phone?
A replacement for all we’ve ever known.
Human touch.
Has become,
A game of telephone.
To the future,
Where screens sit on the throne,
Of the unknown.
Thinking for us.

And each generation,
Will take us to the graveyard of imagination.
What will become of us in social media land,
Where we don’t know how to shake a hand,
And eye contact was a thing of the past,
But maybe we can make it all last.

Can’t miss a thing,
Must capture everything.
But your not really seeing it,
Don’t you see?
Is the past the photo on my phone?
My new memory?
Do our screens connect us,
Or make us feel more alone.

It seems all the answers have
Even more questions
But don’t worry, we have many algorithms
And Google,
To tell us what to do,
What is true.
I can’t even listen to you,
Because I’m busy watching Hulu.
And Facebook and YouTube,
Snapchat and Instagram,
Filling our internal inbox with spam
Trash, spiritual poison.
But will we have a spirit when all this is done?
Because the internet has come,
And is slowly replacing our ability to love,
To connect with each other,
With nature,
But we think we are rising above.
Yet is it better?

We will never be the same.
We can’t go back from where we came.
I feel in my body, not in my phone,
I don’t want to feel alone.
I want likes, and mentions and tweets,
It feels like coming home,
To technology.
We are being conditioned,
To accept this rendition,
Of humanity.
Of love.

But when does the video stop?
Maybe when we drop
Our willingness to spend the money

When we are replaced by a virtual reality
When we lose our presence, our sanity

When we no longer have the ability to be, still

Now Instagram catches your eye,
Not the pretty lady watching by
Or the thought that you’ll die,
Not ever seeing.

Seeing with your eyes is no longer enough.

Tell me, what do you see?
Through your screen?  

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Yellow

Tunnels of yellow, raining gold. Sunlight penetrates the forest, a symphony of dancing leaves, the wind is nature’s song. Pay attention.

Golden yellow leaves shimmer in the muted morning light, playfully calling me forward. I walk along an empty path. Do I always need to know where I’m going?

Thousands of warped eyes urge me on, smiling softly. Knotted eyes that are unaffected by pandemics, media, my shifting thoughts and feelings, yet are changing all the same. I’m content and alone, surrounded by life, colors, the slightest noises if I just pay attention. 

Pay attention.

Yellow fills me up and at the same time empties me. Vibrant life drastically contrasts with bareness. Stillness and movement. Empty branches. Reaching out into nothingness, beckoning the cold, the shift into winter. Darkness is coming. But not now. I rake my hand through your shimmering, delicate petals. 

Yellow. 

Orange and red, gentle wind carrying them slowly away, a crescendo that’s almost the end, for now. Delight and sadness is expressed through my eyes, feelings unidentified and unfelt. I know it’s okay to bring them here. All the silly things I’ve created with my mind become yellow, color, absorbed by the crisp fall air and sun. 

Yellow currants ripple through the trees. Making waves against the pale blue sky.

Can I allow the colors to expand in my spirit, in my body, even though I know it will soon be gone? Can I close my eyes and lay in this field of yellow, in the crunchy brown and orange silhouettes of what used to be, and know that everything is okay? Right now. 

Yellow. 

Can I be quiet enough to be present? Can I enjoy the moment even though I know it will pass?

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Invisible

You can’t see me. 

Yet you walk towards me, tell me I’m beautiful, interesting. It only lasts for a minute. This is all you can muster, this moment of interest, effort. Once I reciprocate you stop, you swallow up my kindness, my care, endless compliments and affection. You dissolve in my generosity. 

But I bathe in your desire. I sink deep into being wanted, adored. 

I hide behind this face, my smile, my cool, composed facade. I’m different, not like other girls. Still I don’t get what I want.

I don’t want to change you. I want to change myself, but it’s hard. I want to choose something different, but I keep falling into the same old worn pattern. Do I choose it or does it choose me?

Change is a long slow process. I feel uncomfortable and the feeling passes. But is it different? Have I changed?

I want something, but I don’t know how to get it. 

I heal so slowly.  

I settle for chemistry, your gentle caress feels like love but it’s just sex, raw desire, physical energy. It has to be enough for this moment. My mind knows this, but my spirit does not. I fight with myself, but you don’t see a thing.

It’s just that I’m invisible. My deepest desires cannot be seen.

Only felt, by me.  

I don’t dare tell you what I want. 

It’s a trick. I tricked myself. I lost myself in the silence and forgot this is not what I wanted. I tricked you into thinking I that didn’t care, I’ll settle for this. I tricked myself into thinking that not talking about it is somehow better.

So I make myself invisible, my true desire dies in my silence. 

To get what I want, do I have to give up this silence? 

I dive into the unknown. Again. 

Maybe it will be different this time, I won’t respond. I won’t seek out what hurts me.

Maybe I’ll stop asking you for something you can’t give me. 

Maybe it has nothing to do with me. 

Maybe when I ask for what I need I’ll become visible. 

To the right person. 

I reclaim my energy. 

Over and over again. 

But then I realize,

It’s not you that I want. I just want to seen; to be wanted.

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Beirut

A city of beauty and destruction, humor and sadness, growth and stagnation. Where green and red lights mean maybe, and the only thing needed to cross the street is confidence. I’ll admit it, I was afraid of you at first. Fear dissipates with experience, familiarity.

Continue reading “Beirut” →

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Kingston

Cars speed past me, I stumble on the rocky resemblance of a sidewalk as I navigate my way through Kingston. Keep your bag close I’m told. “Hey Princess”, a guy calls to me, where are you from? He grabs my hand, kisses it, and I walk on. Sweat. Sweat is dripping down my face. I’ve not stop sweating since I arrived nearly a week ago. Jamaica is hot, Kingston is intense, smoldering, crowded; absolutely opposite of the remote Long Bay beach town I came from. I wanted to see Kingston, it’s just that I don’t know what to do with myself in this unwalkable, dusty madness. Continue reading “Kingston” →

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Montreal

My feelings always surprise me. I’ve been so ready to leave Providence, yet when the anticipated moment comes, I’m sad. I’m filled with a sense of emptiness and loss, the loss of a life and community I’ve slowly built over the past two years. The loss of a community to which I belonged. Reflecting, I board a plane en route to Montreal, fully prepared to lose myself in the unfamiliar streets of another city. Sometimes I forget that I’m connected to everything, everyone. Continue reading “Montreal” →

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