Tag: Nature

Uphill

There’s something about going deep into nature that reminds me – I can let go. I don’t have to hold on so tightly to all the things I want. I don’t have to know.

This journey is slow

I zigzag across the river, falling deeper into nature, not seeing a soul

The desolate wilderness makes me feel fear but also whole

I’m reminded that I’m so very vulnerable

I have so little control

I choose a path and try my best to follow

But it’s hard to know what to do

When the path is no longer working for you

Do I keep going and try to see it through

Or turn around and find something else to pursue

I suppose I must take my cue

From my inherent feeling

The universal dealings

That I don’t understand

I’d like to think there’s a plan

The more time I spend thinking

The less time I spend listening

I dig my head in the sand

I’m completely alone, on my path

But the butterflies dance around me

The silence settles, the leaves chime in

Allowing my awareness to expand

To be in solitude is not a punishment

But an opportunity to understand

That everything changes

Including the scape of the land

Life is a kalescope

Shaken by someone’s elses hand

The colors and patterns may not suit me

But they will reform

Changing patterns is the norm

I struggle uphill

Yet the struggle is inside still

I trudge up a mountain and wonder how

I’ll get through what I’m going through now

Despite the sweat, confusion, and tears

This journey could take years

I choose to be happy now

Despite my insistent fears

Knowing it will all workout somehow

I stop and take in the sounds of nature

The wind, birds, running water

And keep trudging, just a little softer

I climb, higher and higher

My outlook becomes a little brighter

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Wilderness

I walk amongst the ruins
The visible passage of time
Life displayed outside
And I think about mine

Nature dominates all that we create
We think we are in control
Yet the gnarled branches overtake
The wild chaos determines our fate
We plant the seeds and must surrender
To the overgrown brush and weeds
Rough and rugged, somehow tender

Amongst tall grass and flowers
Is how I pass the hours
There is no set path
Each way is correct
All the winding trails connect

Weeds softly caress
Doing their best
Flies buzz around me
Also looking for a place to be

I shake off webs that tingle
I dance with the flowers and mingle
Birds and bugs sing to me
Reminding me all I have to do is see
Beauty

Appreciate what is
Everything around me lives
Life gives life
Forget your worry and pain
Time will pass all the same

Enjoy the moments where you find
Quiet in your mind
And wilderness in your soul
The wind gently pulls
Me closer

Life takes it’s toll
But the rivers wash over
My troubles
And I become whole
For a moment

I find bliss
In the wilderness

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Release

I release my deepest desires
Through my eyes
I still don’t have an answer
I still don’t know why
Must I always fill up my time
For it isn’t until I have space
That I can arrange and place
My feelings
My dreams unrealized
Quiet my mind

I’m a relationship with the Sun
I found the one
It’s bright and yellow
A handsome fellow
The trees whisper
Don’t be afraid
For I can’t listen
Until I’m silent
Until all the feelings have been flushed away
The pain sways with the breeze
I stomp my frustrations out
On the crunchy leaves
Nature restores my energy
Only then can I say
To the blue sky, the sun, the trees
I trust you

I trust you and I don’t understand
I had so many things planned
That didn’t happen
That I wanted to happen
I made demands
The Universe laughs gently
And they don’t land
I throw tantrums
But it’s all bigger than me
I can’t possibly see
Still I make more plans
It just happens
Like breathing
So easily

It’s not until I leave that I can see
My imagined plans and designs
And how it’s not aligned
It somehow makes sense in my mind
Yet I get so intertwined
That I can’t find the answers
Until I step away
My perspective changes
Life rearranges
My place looks different from far away
I can’t see myself fully in the space I usually stay

I feel lost I say to the trees
And they look back at me
You’re not lost, you just can’t see
I come back with fresh eyes
And realize
There are no answers
I must keep walking
Things will materialize
You’re not stuck
You just don’t know where you’re going
It will all unfold
Try not to hold
So tightly

Release your pain to me
I can take it
Say the leaves
Don’t do anything
Listen to me sing
All you have to do is breathe
The sun will never leave
Even when you can’t see
It’s just waiting patiently
Stay for awhile
I’ll make you smile
Trust me

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Seeker

I get lost in my mind, in images of what I want to be. But it’s not in front of me. 

I imagined that you had feelings, that you saw me dancing and our souls met. 

Then your presence subsided, the connection was lost. You faded for no reason. I always want to know why. 

Yet I don’t know what happened. 

Am I manifesting what I want, or pushing it away? 

Must I give up what I want so badly to get it? 

You tell me I will find it when I’m not looking.

But I’m always looking, do you walk through life with your eyes closed? 

I call love to me, 

Over and over again. 

Is that how this process works? 

Or am I just endlessly in my own world. The space of my mind tricks me. Disconnected from reality and the flow of the universe. 

I want to be in the flow, but I have to be here first. 

I got lost in the memory, 

In a dream of what I wanted to be. 

Seeking. 

Right now. 

I will find you in the now. 

I must be present. 

Stop looking at what is not happening right now. 

At another person’s projected truth on a screen far away. Let go of what is not for you. 

For if a connection is to be true, it cannot be forced. 

My intuition will be my guide,

And it’s always by my side,

I just have to pay attention. 

I want to be here in my body, and to want what I have. I already want myself. Still. 

Do I need to get to a place of not wanting, to get what I want? The questions are daunting. 

Where does this place of no-desire exist,

You told me you found it, but still I resist. 

But is there a right one? 

Will you ever feel the same way for me that I feel for you? 

Can I truly have what I want or do I make concessions, settle for what fits right now. 

It’s close, but somehow,

Not right. 

I accept the fleeting moments of alignment, connection. They are special.

For I love all my experiences, 

Even though you will choose something else and go a different way. 

It’s still worth it, I’m grateful for all the days,

I spent with you. 

And the feeling will stay with me. 

I relish in all the moments.

Maybe it’s all just moments, and I get too attached. 

I can let go. 

Perhaps I will never figure it out and truly know. 

I close my eyes and soak in the moment,

Even though I might want it to be different. 

I feel you. 

In my body. 

I found you in my mind, in the pulsating energy in my chest. 

Flowing through me. 

You stay there for now. 

Come find me, 

In the sunshine, mountains, and music. 

Dancing. 

I’ll be waiting. 

Looking for you. 

Because I’m a seeker, 

And I know you are too. 

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Willow

I will hide inside of you,

And make my home in your leaves. 

I’m safe here, 

Protected, sheltered. 

Your branches are my shield,

They hang down, 

Wrap around, 

My fear and insecurities. 

And I can always count on the trees,

To hide and protect me. 

I wrap myself around the willows, 

The earth is my bed, the roots are my pillows. 

I’ll stay here, beneath the willow tree. 

Until I have a better place to be.  

Your roots go so deep, 

Flexibility. 

Yet your leaves sway so gently.

I want to be like you,

To move so elegantly,

And stand firm, 

In the face of uncertainty. 

In some ways I’m eternally a child,

Trying to be, 

An adult, confident, commanding, free.

But I’m still dreaming and playing, 

Underneath the willow tree.

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God Damn Ukulele Man

Sitting on a bench in the sunshine. I’ve noticed you before, just a hello and nothing more.

The smile as I pass by, a face that’s a routine. 

Play your music for me as I slide by in the cool, dim, morning air. Leaves fall around me and linger in my hair.

Strangers smiling as I walk by, a thousand smiles a day. Silence and energy. A hundred connections never made. Words unexchanged by endless faces. What if we spoke? Every face I see means something to me and eventually fades.

Do we choose the ones that mean the most? Or do they choose us? A delicate dance of pursuit and attraction. Energy ebbs and flows. Rustles the bright fall leaves as they slowly crinkle and float to the ground.

But you ask me, 

Do you believe in God? And I say no, do you? 

And you say no. 

I smile warmly, the lines around my eyes crinkle with kindness and experience. Knowing.

And you ask me, 

Will you be my girlfriend? 

But I barely know you. I don’t even know your name. A fleeting moment passes.

God damn, ukulele man,

Don’t we need more than that? More than names and ages and jobs shared interests, a few minutes? More than a moment of connection? Where are you from? A smile? Or is that enough to know.

Tell me, ukulele man,

Where does this go? 

You already know.

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Love

I stand in a sea of mountains, 

And ask, 

Why have I been trying to make you love me? 

Love either is or is not. 

How silly of you to think you can create something out of nothing. 

It was already here, 

This love, 

You just had to find it, 

Within yourself. 

I am the giver and the feeler of love. 

Float in me, 

I’ve always been here. 

You just had to swim out of the darkness, 

So you can feel.

Give and receive. 

Love.

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My House

I’ll let you in my house, 

But you must to ask to come in.

You just window shop,

A beautiful exterior,

Yet you can’t see inside.

It’s easy for me to enter your house,

It’s harder for me to let you in mine.

I can’t let you in just because you like me, 

There has to be compatibility.

I’ll guide you through my rooms,

Show you my childhood memories

Smell my blooming lilies.

Reading my poetry,

But you have to walk towards me,

Some rooms are dark,

You must open the door.

I want you to see that too.

I’ll guide you through,

And do the same for you.

Then turn the lights on,

Sunlight floods through the windows,

Erases the shadows.

My house is warm,

My lights are the sun,

The ceilings are stars,

That illuminate my scars.

Ask me questions,

Pick up my books, study the titles,

Look at my photos.

Get lost in my ethos.

Don’t sit on my couch and fall asleep,

Dance in my ballroom, sweep me off my feet.

Ask me about my walls, my art, my patterns.

I’ll bloom for you,

Unravel, layer by layer,

But only if you show interest in me.

If you ignore, I’ll retreat,

I must feel adored and safe.

My house radiates

Don’t shut the blinds,

Is my house too big for you?

Is my light too bright?

I’m an original Gaudi, a Frank Lloyd Wright,

My spires reach up into the starry night.

My stories are the decorations,

The walls are painted yellow and gold,

The floors are crunchy fall leaves.

My couch is a magic carpet,

That you must unfold.

I certainly don’t have a TV.

Roll around with me,

Through my colors.

Un-peel me, my weeping willow tree.

Swim in my salty, warm sea.

Get tangled in my hair,

My roof is curly.

I don’t own anything

Yet I have everything,

In my house.

Stay for awhile.

But the entry is not free,

You must put in effort to be here with me. 

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Yellow

Tunnels of yellow, raining gold. Sunlight penetrates the forest, a symphony of dancing leaves, the wind is nature’s song. Pay attention.

Golden yellow leaves shimmer in the muted morning light, playfully calling me forward. I walk along an empty path. Do I always need to know where I’m going?

Thousands of warped eyes urge me on, smiling softly. Knotted eyes that are unaffected by pandemics, media, my shifting thoughts and feelings, yet are changing all the same. I’m content and alone, surrounded by life, colors, the slightest noises if I just pay attention. 

Pay attention.

Yellow fills me up and at the same time empties me. Vibrant life drastically contrasts with bareness. Stillness and movement. Empty branches. Reaching out into nothingness, beckoning the cold, the shift into winter. Darkness is coming. But not now. I rake my hand through your shimmering, delicate petals. 

Yellow. 

Orange and red, gentle wind carrying them slowly away, a crescendo that’s almost the end, for now. Delight and sadness is expressed through my eyes, feelings unidentified and unfelt. I know it’s okay to bring them here. All the silly things I’ve created with my mind become yellow, color, absorbed by the crisp fall air and sun. 

Yellow currants ripple through the trees. Making waves against the pale blue sky.

Can I allow the colors to expand in my spirit, in my body, even though I know it will soon be gone? Can I close my eyes and lay in this field of yellow, in the crunchy brown and orange silhouettes of what used to be, and know that everything is okay? Right now. 

Yellow. 

Can I be quiet enough to be present? Can I enjoy the moment even though I know it will pass?

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Lamma

Anticipation. I navigate the hectic, crowded streets of Hong Kong Central. Tourists and business men alike plough through the incessant traffic. Bodies run into me as I seek a ferry escape to the nearby island of Lamma. After navigating the complex, impassable streets of the Central Business District, I gratefully board a ferry to an unknown destination, a village name, and cross my fingers I’m headed the right way. Such is life. Continue reading “Lamma” →

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