Uphill

There’s something about going deep into nature that reminds me – I can let go. I don’t have to hold on so tightly to all the things I want. I don’t have to know. This journey is slow I zigzag across the river, falling deeper into nature, not seeing a soul The desolate wilderness makes … Continue reading Uphill

Holes

I am full of holesA human sieveEmotions pour through meBut they don’t stayI am puttyI allow people to playMold my identitySometimes irresponsibly There are holes in my soulMy experiences are vagueI can’t make sense ofAny feeling, any dayNothing sticksEverything flows through meWhile time passes away My mind is full of holesThings that happened long agoMorpthed … Continue reading Holes

Release

I release my deepest desiresThrough my eyesI still don’t have an answerI still don’t know whyMust I always fill up my timeFor it isn’t until I have spaceThat I can arrange and placeMy feelingsMy dreams unrealizedQuiet my mind I’m a relationship with the SunI found the oneIt’s bright and yellowA handsome fellowThe trees whisperDon’t be … Continue reading Release

Willow

I will hide inside of you, And make my home in your leaves.  I’m safe here,  Protected, sheltered.  Your branches are my shield, They hang down,  Wrap around,  My fear and insecurities.  And I can always count on the trees, To hide and protect me.  I wrap myself around the willows,  The earth is my … Continue reading Willow

Love

I stand in a sea of mountains,  And ask,  Why have I been trying to make you love me?  Love either is or is not.  How silly of you to think you can create something out of nothing.  It was already here,  This love,  You just had to find it,  Within yourself.  I am the … Continue reading Love

Growth

This feedback loop always comes back to me.  A spotlight on all I’ve done wrong.  But I’ve shined it on myself,  I internalize, you externalize.  All fingers point in my direction.  It’s obvious this doesn’t work.  But you can’t see it,  I absorb your criticism.  Silently.  I melt, shift, adjust, trying to make it work.  … Continue reading Growth

I Think I Can

What did I get myself into? How did I end up here? Providence, Rhode Island. Brown. Reoccurring thoughts cart-wheel through my busy mind as I kick up crispy orange/yellow leaves scattered about the old New England campus. The truth is – it’s hard. I’m struggling. When I’m having a hard time, I don’t write. Because what if you knew that I doubted myself? That I questioned if I’m smart enough and capable enough to be here? Maybe I am if I believe I am. Some days I do and others I don’t, but I show up anyway. Continue reading “I Think I Can”

The Road to Providence

What a strange feeling to have an unfamiliar home. To unpack all your worldly belongings in a space you’ve just seen, and call it home. I’ve had this idea I’ve nurtured for a year, plans I’ve made, a picture I once saw from a thousand miles away, and accepted as my future home. I’ve unpacked all the pieces of me as quickly as I could, as if the faster this unfamiliar space becomes adorned with my belongings, the swifter I’ll adjust and become comfortable. That’s not how this works you know, can’t fool a pro – I’ve done this before. Comfort, along with familiarity comes with time, the former is fleeting, the later lingers, mutates, and can remain in some ways even for a lifetime. Continue reading “The Road to Providence”

Vipassana

Vipassana – to see things as they really are.

I sit on a cushion in a low lit room with my eyes closed. My whole body tingles and I am weightless, completely unaware of the outside world, and even the other 30 something people sitting around me. What am I feeling? Change. Everything changes, constantly. I feel the particles my body is made up of change every second, my thoughts change, my feelings change. Non attachment and equanimity is what I’m seeking. Equanimity with every sensation I feel, not attaching to it, not avoiding it. Continue reading “Vipassana”