Stories and poetry from an overly-curious traveler. Stories shape the way I see the world, and I want to share my stories with you.
Hello all,
Thank you for your encouragement and support for my writing. I wrote and published a book of poetry recently.
Please check it out on Barnes and Noble or Amazon 🙂
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-house-of-empty-spaces-julie-sequoia-webb/1142852123
With gratitude,
Julie
How do you move through the world
When the world is against you
It will not admit it out loud
But will hint of injustice
In ways that you will feel
Yet will not be able to explain
It will make you question what is true
The pain will be your pain
How do you move through the world
When you are set up for failure
When you didn’t get the same
Amount of
Time
Love
Money
And you know it
Others know it too
But will not acknowledge
At least not to you
They pray for you to
Go to college
Work harder
Change
Deal with it
College doesn’t fix broken dreams
College doesn’t sew up the seams
Of unfairness, life’s cruelty
The heaviness of humanity
Resting laboriously
On certain beings
Others will not say
Not to your face
It will be talked about
You will be talked about
Not by name
Impersonally
Theoretically
Speculatively
In offices, in meetings, in expensive rooms
With catered dinners, stuffed pockets
Fancy watches, privelge
But nobody will do anything about it
Except you
It’s up to you
The makers of the problem
Will not offer a solution
But who created the problem?
How can you blame an institution?
The individual lingers
Behind corporate names
Government agendas
Money and fame
There are too many fingers
To point
Not enough to touch
To change
Help is offered
With things expected in return
Help is not free
It is not given willingly
Some people deserve things
Others only accept what help brings
Who decides who gets help
Help is a transaction
Not a gaurentee
Success is not equally distributed
Help is not equally distributed
Despite the need
The desperate plea
Acceptance
Prayer
Pity
It’s life, it’s just hard
You’ll survive
These words run marathons
Around dispair
By people trying to care
These words are easy to say
Smooth utterances of the fortunate
The card dealing
The ones in control
The lucky ones
Things are going thier way
How do you move through the world
When you don’t have a voice
When you can’t speak
When you don’t know what to say
To get what you want
And even if you said it
Wrote it all down
It would be in the wrong language
In the wrong font
Nobody will tell you the rules
You fumble around in the dark
Looking for tools
Finding only a spark
It’s not enough
How do you move through the world
When you’re invisible
When no one sees you
When no one cares
Eyes averted
When you are painfully aware
Of the feeling
Of it being unfair
Of the meaning
Not going anywhere
Empathy is not possible
Without knowing
A society of hostile
Feelings growing
How can you fix
What you’ve never experienced
What you don’t understand
The ones who have the power
Seem to have the better hand
And you
The one who never got to
What do you have planned?
Will you be able to demand
Something different
There’s something about going deep into nature that reminds me – I can let go. I don’t have to hold on so tightly to all the things I want. I don’t have to know.
This journey is slow
I zigzag across the river, falling deeper into nature, not seeing a soul
The desolate wilderness makes me feel fear but also whole
I’m reminded that I’m so very vulnerable
I have so little control
I choose a path and try my best to follow
But it’s hard to know what to do
When the path is no longer working for you
Do I keep going and try to see it through
Or turn around and find something else to pursue
I suppose I must take my cue
From my inherent feeling
The universal dealings
That I don’t understand
I’d like to think there’s a plan
The more time I spend thinking
The less time I spend listening
I dig my head in the sand
I’m completely alone, on my path
But the butterflies dance around me
The silence settles, the leaves chime in
Allowing my awareness to expand
To be in solitude is not a punishment
But an opportunity to understand
That everything changes
Including the scape of the land
Life is a kalescope
Shaken by someone’s elses hand
The colors and patterns may not suit me
But they will reform
Changing patterns is the norm
I struggle uphill
Yet the struggle is inside still
I trudge up a mountain and wonder how
I’ll get through what I’m going through now
Despite the sweat, confusion, and tears
This journey could take years
I choose to be happy now
Despite my insistent fears
Knowing it will all workout somehow
I stop and take in the sounds of nature
The wind, birds, running water
And keep trudging, just a little softer
I climb, higher and higher
My outlook becomes a little brighter
You stuck to me like a band aid
The colorful one
That you put on sometimes
Just for fun
Giving my days a rosy hue
I’ll dig through
All my cluttered bags
For you
Soothing my wounds
Yet you leave a residue
When I tried to take you off
So I decided to keep you
An extra layer
I try to make belong
A charismatic plaster
Always in the midst of some disaster
Creating wounds
And dressing them up
An illusion that they’ll heal faster
A band aid
Covering my fears
But you never expose yours
Non absorbent
Deflecting my tears
You always disappear
A dreamer
Who doesn’t do
Eating up my time
Always making it about you
Talking yourself through
A band aid that has no depth
Adhesive worn thin
It only lasts for a few hours
You always leave, hide
Evade my deepest desires
When I need you
I’ve taken you off so many times
And walked away
My emotions sway
But you sneak back in
Enough time
Allows you to play
Tricks on my mind
The one that got away
Is easy to say
Every time your efforts
Had a delay
It’s much harder to show up
To be the one willing to stay
A dirty band aid
On the floor
You’ve been ripped off too many times
I can’t make you stick
Anymore
I am full of holes
A human sieve
Emotions pour through me
But they don’t stay
I am putty
I allow people to play
Mold my identity
Sometimes irresponsibly
There are holes in my soul
My experiences are vague
I can’t make sense of
Any feeling, any day
Nothing sticks
Everything flows through me
While time passes away
My mind is full of holes
Things that happened long ago
Morphed into memories
Blank spots
Illusions and stories
That I can’t show
Shape-shift and sway
In my conscious
They are close
But happening so far away
My body is full of holes
Incomplete
Fragments of humanity
People I meet
Everyone sees me
And experiences me differently
I must be careful
Not to fall in my holes
They like to hide
I don’t know their exact location
It’s hard to see when I’m inside
Their depth is immeasurable
Their deception penetrable
Old holes and new holes
Needing repair
How can I heal myself
When there are holes everywhere?
Deserve is a strange word
We need a reward for just being
All of our desires must be heard
By the Universe
Which should cater to our needs
Our purpose and meaning
But who gets what they want
Who is deserving
And who gets punishment
Does anyone deserve to be the brunt
Of the worlds cruelty?
The harsh divide between you and me?
Does everyone deserve to eat?
To have shelter and seek
Security, a better life
Who is deserving?
And who delivers this reward
It seems deciding who is hard
Can we make these decisions?
Without having all the information?
Who deserves land, territory
Who deserves to tell their story
Who deserves to be recognized
And who should be despised
Does anyone deserve war?
To have their hearts broken
Do some deserve more
Than others?
Is this something you manifest
Perhaps this is all a test
Of our humanity
Our willingness willing to give
To someone with less
To think about others
When it doesn’t benefit us
To accept what we have
And be more generous
Or do we think we are better than the rest
The less deserving
We are so self serving
Our entitlement will be our demise
Unless we become interested
In others lives
Others that are far away
That we haven’t met
That are separate
How easy it it to forget
We are all human
Who deserves to live
And who deserves to die?
We pretend we know
We think we are right
But our window is so small
Do the Gods respond to the prayers of all
Can everyone’s pleas be heard?
Do everyone’s dreams matter?
What do you deserve?
What is the truth?
A perception
A feeling
A created reality
The space that exists
Between you and me
You say I’m toxic
I think I’m healthy
Which one of us can’t see?
Is truth what exists
When there is silence
When the mind is quiet
If the mind is ever quiet
How can we find it
Our truths are not the same
One persons truth
Is anothers pain
Is there one truth?
Is there one right way?
Sometimes I think I know
Other times it’s grey
So many stories
So many lives
The mind is powerful
But sometimes it lies
Have you ever been lost
In your own mind?
Maybe I create my truth
It may bend a little to connect
With you
The more I experience
The more I question what’s true
It feels like questioning
Is the right thing to do
I decide
What’s right
But I can always change my mind
Perhaps the truth doesn’t exist
Or maybe it’s just hard to find
We are all living separate truths
In our own lives
The writers of history
The makers of time
But what is mine?
I sat down in meditation
And lost myself
My mind went on vacation
My body started to hum
Full of vibration
And I turned into
A ball of cotton
Fluffy and white
Wispy
Floating free
Without a body
My normal life has been forgotten
An open window
A gentle breeze
Causes the slightest movement
Weightless and free
It shifts me slightly
Off my cushion
I roll and float
Through the mediation
Across the floor
Over the mat
Nothing to stop me
No coming back
All eyes are closed
I float undetected
A cotton ball is not suspected
I brush by a cheek
But all is still
The wind dances through me
A force of will
And then with a gust
I blow away
Float up into the sky
I leave without acknowledgement
Without a goodbye
I’m carried into the big blue
The infinite
I float so high
The wind is my guide
I exist up here
There’s no fear
A light ball of energy
There is no me
No space and time
Just a ball of cotton
Floating by
I stare at myself in the mirror
Expression lines
Creases
Crinkles
A story etched into my forehead
When did I get wrinkles?
I want them to leave
Exit immediately
I rub creams, oils, masks
Apply sunscreen desperately
I wonder if you see what I see
Instead of looking into my eyes
You are looking at my lines
Folds that tell you I’m getting old
Markers of my experience
My time
A life of stress and excitement
Hard decisions I’ve had to make
All the paths I’ve chosen to take
Repentance, glory, and sin
Worn on my skin
A face full of life
Seeking
A bottle of collagen
My youth has disappeared overnight
I stare back at them hard
I see every faint crease
Every mark
I run my hands over their indentation
Setting an intention
To love myself
I’m learning so slowly
I try hard not to move
My eyebrows, my eyes
Trying to improve
The situation
As if I keep still
They will reside
My forehead will smooth
Milky white
My perfection, my youth
Faintly slips away
I suppose these lines are here to stay
I find myself further inside
Tempted to hide
My flaws, my face
I think about Botox
Trying to erase the evidence
I embrace my age
I embrace my lines
Knowing my wrinkles
Don’t define my character
I want you to see my life
My old soul
And know that’s it’s full
My happiness shows through my crinkles
I smile deeply
Crows feet
Even though it creates
What I hate
I want to be this person
I want these lines
I want all of my experiences
My expressions, appearances
But I fear growing old
We’ve all been sold
An illusion of perpetual youth
Unflawed, non-reality
Smooth skin
And told it’s our duty
To look this way
I accept who I am in the mirror
I refuse to pay
These wrinkles are here to stay
And then with a start
I turn the off the lights
I can no longer see, only feel
My innermost self, beautiful
My lines disappear in the dark
My skin recedes
Blackness envelops me
And I become energy
Life feels like I’m running on a treadmill
To no avail
No lost weight, just time.
Like dieting, desperately
Just to find
I look the same
Nothing’s changed
No matter what I do
I’ll never be able to fit that small size
Why still try?
It seems as if the Gods
Have already decided
They are against me
A fight with reality
A fruitless effort
A frustrating ride
I spent an eternity calling you in
Yet you just walked by
Without a smile
Without catching my eye
A life wasted
An unsaid goodbye
A lucky break
For the wrong guy
I put in so much effort
But I’m barely getting by
Dated my whole life
And never met my soulmate
Did all things right
Except participate
Got caught in civil wars
Poor countries
The wrong side of the caliphate
An incorrect direction of fate
Born in the wrong color
The wrong state
One year, one minute
Too late
Punished for things
Beyond my control
That happened
Before I could even cry
At what point am I responsible
For my life?
I’m unable to find a reason why
A universal struggle
With no answer
To the question
That’s been asked
Since the beginning of time
Or so the story goes
We all wonder
But no one really knows
Why?
Julie Sequoia Webb 